There was this cat who loved to get drunk, who went to the bar on the other side of the tracks. He stayed all night long and got so wasted he could barely stand up, much less walk. The cat starts to stumble home, and when he came to the train tracks, he didn't notice a train coming down the tracks. As he started to cross the tracks, the train zoomed by, and cut off his tail. The cat turned his head to see the damage, got his head stuck into the side of a speeding box car, and is instantly decapitated. The moral of the story — don't lose your head over a piece of tail!
Dad: Son, what is the difference a penis and a loaf of bread? Son: I don't know. Dad: Then remind me to never send you to the store for a loaf of bread.
What do you get when you cross a rooster and an owl?A cock that stays up all night!
A man and his wife were on their honeymoon. The husband took off his pants and handed them to his wife. "See if they fit." "They don't.""Now you see who will wear the pants in this house." She thought a little while, and took off her panties and asked him to try them on. "I can't get into these.""And you won't, either, with that attitude."
A man visits the doctor's because he has a severe stuttering problem. After a thorough examination, the doctor consults with the patient. Doctor: "It appears that the reason for your stuttering is that your penis is about six inches too long and it is thus pulling on your vocal cords, and thereby causing you this annoying problem of stuttering." "Ddddd octttor.